New light...

This is a post I wrote on my support group for Fibromyalgia. Just thought I would share my experience. My sister recommended I post it on my blog. Sorry, it's kinda long.

I had quite an experience earlier today. As I was driving home tonight with my friend I told her this story and we both just cried. I am so happy. They were happy tears. So here is what happened today...

I was at school (I go to a University in the downtown area of a major city), and I had a 45 minute break between class and my appointment to see my adviser. I decided to sit outside during this break as it was beautiful weather in the low 90's. I began people watching! I sat there having a pity party thinking about how hard life has been for me since my Pulmonary Embolisms (blood clots in my lungs) back in April, then dealing with the horrible chronic pain of Fibromyalgia the last several months. By the way no one really understands how bad the pain really gets besides a select few in my life and this group. Anyway, all the sudden I see a blind man walking around the building next door with his stick (sorry I don't know what they are called). He was bumping into the wall and walked right into a woman sitting in a chair, he couldn't find the door. I got up, tapped him on the shoulder and guided him to the door, pressed the button for the door to open and guided him inside, then went back to where I was sitting. Then, in the next 5 minutes, I saw two people come out of the building in wheel chairs that clearly did not have the ability to walk. Again, about another 10 minutes went by and I saw a homeless man walk slowly by with a shopping cart that had a sleeping bag in it. He was quite thin and dirty. All the sudden I had tears build up in my eyes under my expensive Oakley sunglasses and I felt different about my own life. I thought back at the blind man that couldn't see the beautiful blue sky that I was looking at. I thought about the homeless man and how thankful I am that I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, and though a small amount, I have cash in my wallet. Then the big one hit me. The 2 people in the wheel chairs who would never walk again. I suddenly thanked God for the pain I feel every day in my legs because that meant that, I CAN FEEL MY LEGS!! I sat there crying and wondering how many people in this world would gladly take my pain any day just to have the ability to walk. I felt selfish and ashamed and happy at the same time. I WALKED away feeling better than I had in months. My pain seemed somehow better when I thought about those people. In a strange way I feel thankful for my pain and how small it seems now compared to the problems of others I have seen today. PLEASE don't get me wrong. I am not belittling your pain. I KNOW it is real and I know how bad it can be. I'm not saying I won't ever complain again because I will. I know I will have days that I will be in so much pain I will forget about those I saw today, but my point is it is amazing how much I was taking for-granted in my life. I have had a very happy day learning about how much I have to be thankful for and I wanted to share that with you all. I appreciate this group, my family, and my friends for being there for me during those really hard days. These hard days have been more frequent recently so I really am grateful for your support and understanding. Cheers to those happy days!! :)

Here are some of the responses I have received from this post:

1. This is wonderful April. Everything is relative, isn't it?
2. We all need to count our blessings. The Savior took upon us our sorrows, not only our sins. We are never alone.
3. This is a very powerful story and well done to you for posting it...I have to agree with you.
4. Amazing how God shows us things and puts people in our life to give us the strength to go on. Sometime we are like the blind man you helped. We get lost and can't see where we are going in our every day life trying to find the door, and like you opening the door for him so he can go on, God opens the door for us so we can go on.
5. You certainly know that God put those people there for you for a reason. I really do believe that. One of the worst things about this illness is that the chronic pain makes it so difficult to see the beauty in life sometimes. Thanks for the post. It was a great reminder for us all.
6. Good job! You're right, there's always someone worse off. There's always something to be thankful about.
7. Thank you for this story. I was sitting here at my desk feeling sorry for myself. This is just what I needed today.
8. Thank-you for reminding "US" that it could be worse! We do get a few good days here & there!
9. Isn't it great when we open our eyes and then we see the real story. I am with you April- yes we can feel our legs, even through the pain we deal with. It is wonderful when we can be thankful for it. I am glad you reminded me of this, as it is something I frequently forget. Also remember these things when you are struggling to see the light at the end. God is always there walking us through our struggles. Thanks for the uplifting story.
10. Thank you sooooo much. I needed this.

Fibromyalgia is real...

I went to the Pain Management Specialist today for my Fibromyalgia pain. He gave me two medications that will hopefully help me. Only time will tell I guess. I see the doctor again in a month. Cross your fingers that I will finally get some relief!



Fibromyalgia is real

There is no doubt

If you don’t believe it

Here’s what it is all about !

It’s about being a professional

At the top of your career

And losing your future

In less than a year

It’s about having unrelenting pain

No one can figure out

Having test after test

That shows nothing but doubt

It’s about knowing your pain is real

And fighting for your rights

Being so upset and frustrated

Getting no sleep so many nights !

It’s about trying to find the right doctor

Who can offer you some hope

Who knows what it’s all about

Who can give you what you need to cope !

It’s about learning to live again

With a whole new personality

Letting go of the person you once were

And facing a whole new reality !

It’s about losing friends and family

Because they think “it’s all in your head”.

But truth be known, there are days

You hurt so much, you can’t get out of bed !

It’s about setting new priorities

“So what if there is dust”

You have to take care of yourself now

And do only what you must !

It’s about holding on to hope

Each new day could bring a cure

It’s holding on to this hope

That will raise your mood for sure !

It’s about being thankful for the few

Friends and family that are true

Believing and hoping for a miracle

Praying for strength to make it through !