Rhea Memorabilia...

I have a friend on my support group for Pet Bereavement that wrote a poem about Rhea. It is very sweet.

Rhea

Lord, when time has come please help me be strong
my sweet friend was sick; something's terribly wrong
The vet checked her over; there's nothing she can do
It is with great sorrow I have sent her; home to You

Please take her back home; on the wings of a dove
into Your loving arms; up in heaven above
Take her to a meadow; where she can run free
under bright sunlight; among the green grass and trees

She's been a part of my life now; for so many years
I miss her so much; my eyes are filling with tears
I have said my goodbyes
as I know she'll watch over me; through her loving eyes

I'll never forget her; I'll see her one day
tell her we'll meet at the again; what more can I say
I'll cherish the memories; of the time we both had
I can’t imagine life without her, I just feel so incredibly sad



This is a heart necklace that I got at the place where Rhea was cremated. Her fur is inside the heart. I had her name and date of death hand engraved on the heart. He did a great job.


I met a friend online that does photo shop and she did these pictures of Rhea. Here is Rhea in clouds with her halo!
Rhea earning her wings.Rhea at the "Rainbow Bridge".

Rhea is very missed not just by me but by Rhea's mother Abby and my dog Charlie. They have been needing constant attention and affection.

My precious Rhea...

(The picture at the top was Rhea fat, happy, and healthy. The one's at the bottom were taken the night before she passed away). My precious 8-year-old cat Rhea (Rhea means Greek Goddess) has been sick for quite some time. We thought she had an abscess that was pushing her eyeball out and the vet tried draining it with no success. We tried antibiotics and steroids with no success. One day Rhea took a turn for the worse and started have trouble breathing. Everything started to go down hill and I noticed a new mass on her neck and above the eye that was protruding and infected. I thought about taking her to the emergency room to put her to sleep but the thought killed me. The next day (Sunday) I called the vets office and left a message telling them what happened and that I thought it was time to put her down as she was suffering. I asked them to call me back first thing Monday morning. One of the vets called me back right away and said if it was a retrobulbar abscess that we thought it was, the antibiotics would have helped and new masses would not be showing up. He told me to bring her in first thing at 8:30 the next morning to put her to sleep. I stayed up that entire night with Rhea taking pictures, videos, and holding her while crying. My mom and I took her in and I held her for awhile and then it was time. The vet told me after examining her that it was actually a tumor not an abscess and it was cancer that had spread to her lymph nodes. I for sure was doing the right thing. Poor Rhea. This explains why our treatments failed. She had lost a lot of her fur and tons of weight. Rhea did not fight, she was calm when they gave her the injection and she was gone in seconds. They wrapped her in Rhea's blanket that I brought and put her in my arms. My mom and I took her to a place to have her cremated. I stayed with Rhea for quite some time in a private room and took a lock of her fur to keep. My mom bought me a gold heart necklace there and we cut another piece of Rhea's fur to put inside the heart. I finally had to say good-bye and the woman there brought out Rhea's blanket that was wrapped around her. Later that day they called me and told me that her ashes were ready. I picked them up and they put them in a beautiful wooden box with a lock and keys. They attached an ID tag to it that was engraved "RHEA" on it. On the bag the ashes were in, it said, "Remains of Rhea Morgan, February 15th, 2010". I put Rhea's fur and collar inside the box with the ashes and it sits in my bedroom. I miss her terribly and this is so much harder than I ever imagined. She was so loving and gentle. I miss her sitting on my lap constantly and her sweet meow. She is no longer suffering now and she is happy!

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
The sun will rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
Remembering how I'd lay my head
In your lap that special way.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me.
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name
And petted me with her hand.
She said my place was ready,
In Heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But, as I turned to look away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life I never thought
That I would have to die.
I had so much to live for,
So many sits and downs to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought about our lives together,
I know you must be sad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

Remember how I'd nudge your hand,
And poke you with my nose?

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for awhile,
I'd wag my tail and kiss you,
Just so I could see you smile.

But, then I fully realized,
That this could never be;
For emptiness and memories
Will take the place of me.
And when I thought of treats and toys,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you and when I did,
My cat-heart filled with sorrow.

But then I walked through Heaven's gate,
And felt so much at home;
As God looked down and smiled at me,
From His beautiful golden throne.
He said, "This is eternity,
And now we welcome you,
Today your life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last;
For you see, each days the same day,
There's no longing for the past.
Now you have been so faithful,
So trusting, loyal and true;
Though there were times you did things,
You knew you shouldn't do.

But good cats are forgiven,
And now at last you're free;
So won't you sit here by my side,
And wait right here with me?"
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart.
For every time you think of me,
I'm right there, in your heart.

Rhea struggling to breathe. If you turn up your volume you can hear it.




Rhea breathing again. These were taken the night before she passed away. She was on my lap most of the night and barely slept the whole night because she couldn't breathe.

The stares of "you don't look sick/disabled"...

Sometimes I feel people look at me when I get out of my car (in the handicap parking spot) and they have that stare like "what did she take her grandmas car and handicap placard"? Fibromyalgia is the "invisible illness" meaning we don't look sick for the most part. The past few days have been worse than normal. I have come to realize that chronic pain is a permanent part of my life now. I manage to be generally happy and function well. I do well in school and do not take any pain meds for fear of becoming addicted. I just take a medication that treats severe nerve pain 3 times a day but it may be time for an increase already. I push myself way too much and as soon as I feel better I push myself again and end up right back where I was, on the couch in agony. I did a lot of walking, yoga, and 2 days of cleaning and had a severe flare that kept me awake literally all night last night. As soon as I started feeling better I did laundry, cleaned my house, and picked 9 big bags of oranges from my tree. Guess what? I'm right back into another flare. You would think I would have learned by now huh? I'm not doing this post to complain but rather to explain how amazing it is what the human body can power through! I am a stronger more confident person because I am accomplishing so much whilst dealing with chronic pain.

While from the outside I may seem normal,

It’s the part that you can’t see,

The constant pain and struggles within,

Are ever so apparent to me.

Although I may wear a smile,

Often times it's covering the tears,

Yet not tears because of sadness,

As it often may appear.

Don’t be too quick to judge though,

Because there is so much more than is known,

What may seem to look like one thing,

Just might turn to prove so wrong.

I may sometimes seem unfriendly,

Or too centered around self,

Because sometimes standing takes all I’ve got,

And there is just no energy left.

Sometimes my words may sound awkward,

My communication may not always convey,

My true inner thoughts and feelings,

Aren’t always expressed by what I say.

You may think that I’m not really listening,

Sometimes my face or speech may not show,

But I do hear every word you say,

I really want you to know.

The information doesn’t always process,

As quickly and as clear,

And sometimes it takes me longer,

To interpret what I hear.

I possibly miss many opportunities,

To offer needed love or support,

Because sometimes it just takes to long,

For my thoughts and words to sort.

So if my actions seem inappropriate,

In the things I say or do,

I hope that you can understand,

That it is not because of you.

There are times I get discouraged,

When forced to accept my inability--

It’s hard to admit my limitations,

And it leaves me feeling so guilty.

Yet every moment is a reminder

As I look all around,

The effort it takes just to get through the day,

Just picking my feet up off the ground.

I am not looking to find pity,

I am just attempting to explain,

That the person that you may often see,

And the real me aren’t exactly the same.

You may not see the peace and joy,

When you look upon my face,

But I know that each day I live,

Is because of God’s amazing grace.

It is hard to always be cheerful,

When the pain is so very real,

And not everyone can comprehend,

The extend of how I feel.

I don’t see it as all bad though,

Although I’d much rather it not be so,

But I know that if I must endure,

God will strengthen me as I go.

It may seem as if I take no pride

In the way that I look or dress,

However, there might be much more going on,

Inside of the big mess.

My home may not be nice and neat,

My bed not always made,

The laundry may not all be done,

And often it makes me ashamed.

But I must only do what I am able,

Each day I have to choose,

What is most important right then,

And the tasks I am able to lose.

All the plans and dreams I once held,

Now don’t seem quite so clear,

Yet I feel a peace within,

As my Lord keeps drawing me near.

To have a chronic illness,

Or a disability that one must bear,

Somehow puts life into perspective,

And helps to make us more aware.

I realize now that each day I live,

Is a gift from God above,

It is hard not to lean on Him,

Or to look to His great love.

I now can fully understand,

On my own, there is nothing I can do,

It is only be faith and prayer,

That I can make it through.

It may seem an exaggeration,

No one can always feel so bad,

But only those who have walked in these shoes,

Can appreciate the battles that I have had.

I see so many people less fortunate than me,

Don’t have to look very far,

There are so many suffering all around,

It doesn’t matter who you are.

Circumstances and illnesses can hit unexpectedly,

And you can never really be prepared,

It may be difficult to understand,

Leaving you vulnerable and feeling scared.

I must constantly guard my thoughts and mind,

As Satan always tries to bring me down,

He wants me to feel hopeless and unworthy,

And turn my smile into a frown.

It is hard not to get depressed,

When I see the burden my family must bare,

The fact I cannot always meet their needs,

No one could be more aware.

There are times I feel like giving up,

When I look too far ahead,

But I know if my loved ones were given the choice,

They would just choose to have me here instead.

There are so many ups and downs,

New challenges each day,

I must strive to keep my eyes on God,

So that I be not led astray.

It would be so difficult to cope,

Without God, my hope would all be gone,

Because through submitting to Him in prayer,

Is when my weaknesses are made strong.

So when you see the way I look,

When my insecurities are in view,

Base who I am on what’s inside,

Not by the things that I can do.

The greatest lesson that I have ever learned,

Is the reason that I am here on earth,

Is not to live for self and gain,

For in these things are not my worth.

God has a purpose for my life,

Although the details I may not see,

He still has it under control,

And is continually watching over me.

Maybe one day I will be well,

And my health He will restore,

But if that is not in God’s will,

I will still praise Him ever more.

If this suffering can bring honor to Him,

I will gladly accept the call,

Because of His great love for me,

He suffered and gave His all.

I have to believe that what I am going through now,

Will somehow work together for good,

And one day it will be revealed,

And all things will be understood.

While I still worry about what you think,

More the example that I may show,

I am learning so much more each day,

And this has really helped me to grow.

Congratulations! You made Deans List for Fall 2009!

I got an email today to my ASU account that made me feel very proud about my achievements. It said:

Hello April-

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on achieving Dean’s List for the Fall 2009 semester! The faculty, staff and I are very proud of your academic accomplishments. I just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know that both your letter of congratulations from Dr. Debra Friedman, Dean of the College of Public Programs and your certificate of recognition will be mailed to you in the coming 10 days. Also, the college will be holding our third annual College of Public Programs Scholars Reception in late April. You will be invited to this event because of your outstanding academic performance. Watch your email in February for the invitation and event details. Finally, at the College of Public Programs Scholars Reception, we will unveil the Spring 2009 and Fall 2009 Dean’s List display board which will remain in the lobby of UCENT until April 2011.

Again, congratulations on your success! I know this past year presented many challenges but your commitment and investment in your education is inspiring. Best wishes for continued success in Spring 2010!

If there is ever anything I can do to help you succeed or if you have any ideas on how the college can better serve students, please shoot me an email!

Thanks-

Dana

Dana C. Newell, M.A.
Assistant Dean, Student and Academic Affairs
College of Public Programs
Arizona State University


WOO HOO!!!!! I SAY WOO HOO!!!! :)

Fighting for Love...

During the course of a person's lifetime, one cannot always escape the grim reality of a battle. Of course I don't mean battle like a sense of war but more or less by its meaning; an encounter between two opposing forces. Whether it's an external or internal threat, battles are always fought whether we want to or not. There will always be someone or something that would oppose to what we believe in, what we feel and what we hold dear. There will always be something that will hinder us from winning a certain battle during the course of our lives.

Most of the times, aside from the usual heartaches that we feel when we're in love, we are also in danger of fighting for that particular love. Whether it's another person, or our beliefs, or just something from our past, fighting is inevitable. I don't mean of course that fighting between the lovers but the external threats that surround both sides. Most of the times, families tend to come between two lovers (Romeo and Juliet). Sometimes, beliefs can also come between the two lovers and there are just some technicalities that may seem random but are potential reasons why something will always hinder two people from loving.

Yet, for some reason, when the battle becomes a one-sided battle, more often than not, one or the other will give up. Whether it's the pain of seeing the other get hurt or just tired from fighting for something that won't be theirs, giving up may sound the rational thing to do. But from here on in, how can you assure yourself that what you did in the past will definitely not happen again? If you gave up on someone you love, how can you be so sure that you won't do it again the next time you fall in love? When love is true, when love is pure, despite all adversities, pain is never a reason to let go or give up. If you truly love a person, then you should give it your all to fight for that somebody, to make sure that he/she will never be gone or taken away from you. Often times, we find ourselves asking the question "is he/she really worth fighting for? Is our love worth fighting for?". The answer to those questions will have different answers coming from different perspectives. But the one thing that will bind all answers despite their difference is how much you love that person. Fighting for love is a test of your character, to see how far you are willing to go for that someone, to see how much pain you're willing to endure for him/her. "Strength through adversity" does not apply directly to wars and warriors but also applies to a relationship. However, it takes TWO of you to fight for your relationship and for your love, keeping each other strong and holding on through tough times.

In my personal perspective, I'll ALWAYS fight for the one that I love (Stephen), no matter the adversity. Also, the answer that I'm about to give to these questions "is he really worth fighting for? Is our love worth fighting for?" is "YES". Come what may, love is always worth fighting for, whether it's a simple form of love for friends or to a more deeper and profound feeling of love towards your special someone.

My Top 10 Favorite Things From 2009...

1. My boyfriend/fiance, Stephen Gomez. I don't know what I would do without him. He is not only the love of my life, but he is my better half. He makes me happy and treats me like a woman should be treated (like a princess). He is always there to help me. He helped me so much with my homework this past semester and he never complains always saying my education comes first. I can't wait to be his wife!
2. Getting good grades at Arizona State University. Almost got straight A's. 1 B+, 1 A, and 2 A+. GPA of 3.9. I should be accepted into Phi Alpha which is the National Honor Society for social work students.
3. HOUSE-That show makes me laugh, makes me cry, and makes me think about relationships. It is riveting TV. I stole this picture from my sisters blog. House is in her top 10 as well!

4. Cuddling with my dog Charlie. He keeps me warm at night and always knows when I'm sick or sad. When I cry he cuddles me and licks my face. When I am sick he lies on my lap and keeps me warm (especially now that I have Bacterial Pneumonia). He is always happy to see me and loves me regardless.
5. Losing almost 40 pounds. I don't want to do a before and after shot yet because I want to lose another 50 pounds before my wedding (1/7/11). Wait til you see me in that gorgeous white wedding gown! Seeing my mom and step dad lose an amazing amount of weight has been just as wonderful! They both look fantastic.
6. My sisters
7. My cats
8. Going to Las Vegas with my boyfriend/family.
9. Living through a potentially fatal illness. I survived having multiple Pulmonary Embolisms (blood clots) in both my lungs and was in the hospital for 8 days. Though I will be on blood thinners for the rest of my life, I am SO thankful to be alive!
10. My son that I placed for adoption said that I am, "The best birth mother in the whole entire solar system". That made me cry with joy and made me feel like a million bucks. He is one of the best things that has ever happened to me!

Myasthenia Gravis

Tonight I watched an episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition that aired on Sunday night. It was about a woman that helped children in need. She had the disease Myasthenia Gravis that my sister has. It was an interesting story yet sad to see how tough it was for this woman to get around in her wheel chair with the house that she had.




Myasthenia gravis is a chronic autoimmune neuromuscular disease characterized by varying degrees of weakness of the skeletal (voluntary) muscles of the body. The name myasthenia gravis, which is Latin and Greek in origin, literally means "grave muscle weakness." The hallmark of myasthenia gravis is muscle weakness that increases during periods of activity and improves after periods of rest. Certain muscles such as those that control eye and eyelid movement, facial expression, chewing, talking, and swallowing are often, but not always, involved in the disorder. The muscles that control breathing and neck and limb movements may also be affected.

The thymus gland, which lies in the upper chest area beneath the breastbone, plays an important role in the development of the immune system in early life. Its cells form a part of the body's normal immune system. The gland is somewhat large in infants, grows gradually until puberty, and then gets smaller and is replaced by fat with age. In adults with myasthenia gravis, the thymus gland is abnormal. My sister had her thymus removed as well as part of a lung with no success.

In most cases, the first noticeable symptom is weakness of the eye muscles. In others, difficulty in swallowing and slurred speech may be the first signs. The degree of muscle weakness involved in myasthenia gravis varies greatly among patients, ranging from a localized form, limited to eye muscles (ocular myasthenia), to a severe or generalized form in which many muscles - sometimes including those that control breathing - are affected. Symptoms, which vary in type and severity, may include a drooping of one or both eyelids (ptosis), blurred or double vision (diplopia) due to weakness of the muscles that control eye movements, unstable or waddling gait, weakness in arms, hands, fingers, legs, and neck, a change in facial expression, difficulty in swallowing and shortness of breath, and impaired speech (dysarthria).

I hate that my sister has to live everyday with this horrible disease.